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Feb

Raven’s Stick to Winning Formula; Sign Murderer Donte Stallworth

Baltimore Ravens, Donte Stallworth, nfl news

Ray Lewis is the heart and soul of the Baltimore Raven’s defense, and has been so since he murdered someone back in 2000. The Raven’s are now hoping that former Cleveland Browns wideout, Donte Stallworth will prove to be as effective on the offensive side of the ball fresh off of his DUI manslaughter of a Florida man last year.

Stallworth signed a one year deal worth about $1.1 million for one year including incentives. Don’t get me wrong I think this is a great signing, but come on, if I hit some bum with my Jeep wasted at 5 in the morning, I’d be walking around holding some big mexican’s pocket lining in hopes of not getting sexually assaulted by the whole cell block.

For The Record:

Burt Reynolds was not available for comment, mostly because no one knows whatever happened to him.

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Jan

NFL Divisional Playoff Recap

Cornelius Wellington III Category

Arizona Cardinals, Baltimore Ravens, Dallas Cowboys, Featured, Indianapolis Colts, Minnesota Vikings, NFL, NY Jets, New Orleans Saints, San Diego Chargers Tags

NFL Playoffs

Well, the title games are in place after a great weekend of football. 3 of the most elite quarterbacks in the NFL are joined by rookie playcaller, Mark Sanchez and the upstart Jets. Here’s what went down.

New Orleans Saints – 45 | Arizona Cardinals – 14

Sean Payton and the New Orleans Saints put the hurt on Kurt Warner and the Arizona Cardinals in a game that was only close for about 10 minutes. The Cardinals’ Tim Hightower shocked the South when he bolted for a 70-yard TD score on the first play from scrimmage, but Reggie Bush put that show on the back burner with some highlights of his own coupled with Drew Brees’s masterful dismantling of the Cardinals porous defense.

In the 2nd quarter Kurt Warner took a hit that may finally push him into retirement, likely to be a sure-fire Hall of Famer. I can’t imagine he’d want to come back after being hit like this.

Indianapolis Colts – 20 | Baltimore Ravens – 3

Haters beware, the Colts and their well-rested starters are headed to the AFC Title game with a full head of steam and a point to prove. Peyton Manning showed young Joe Flacco the difference between a promising future and a legendary career. Manning went completed 30 of 44 pass attempts, and rarely handed the ball off as the Colts D completely dominated the Ravens young and talented offense.

Under intense scrutiny for giving up on a perfect season, the Colts look poised for redemption as they go into the AFC Title game to face the team that handed them their first “loss” of the season.

Rumor is Curtis Painter will not even be on the sideline for this game, because as we’ve all seen, even if Rex Ryan were to sit on Peyton Manning’s head and kill him, the Colts would rather have a dead Peyton Manning taking the snaps than Painter.

Minnesota Vikings – 34 | Dallas Cowboys – 3

This was the scene for much of the day in Minnesota as the Vikings swarmed Tony Romo all day long. The Vikings D sacked Romo 6 times, never letting the young QB ever get a grip on the game, while veteran old-timer Brett Favre played like a superstar throwing for 4 TDs within only 15 completions. One TD was late in the 4th quarter when the Vikings were already up by 24 points which pissed off some of the Cowboys defenders, who showed more aggression yelling at Favre than they did all game trying to stop him.

New York Jets – 17 | San Diego Chargers – 14

The San Diego Chargers are a veteran led 12-4 division champion football team. Unfortunately for them, they are veterans who are accustomed to losing big games in the playoffs to lower seeded teams, and they are the champions of the AFC West division, arguably one of the weakest divisions in the league.

Mark Sanchez never played like a star, but also never played like a bum, which is what San Diego’s placekicker Nate Kaeding did. Kaeding, the best regular season kicker in the NFL, is probably the worst playoff kicker of all time. He has managed to blow no less than 3 playoff wins for the Jets dating back to 2005, when he blew another game against the Jets, and 2007 when he blew a kick to beat the eventual Super Bowl Champion Patriots.

Norv Turner will never win a Super Bowl as a Head Coach, but this one is not his fault.

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Dec

FTRsports Week 17 NFL Power Rankings

Week 16 may have the worst gambling opportunities for football fans in the history of gambling. The bottom-feeding Bucs beat the Saints, the Colts pooped on their fanbase by laying down and dying against the Jets instead of trying to go undefeated, and Brett Favre proved that cold air really does affect people with arthritis. Let’s see if any of this affects this weeks rankings:

1. No one deserves to be #1 this week. The Colts proved their as masculine as Lifetime airing the Tony awards, and the Saints are making me question whether that’s a birthmark on Drew Brees’s face, or the beginning stages of AIDS. The Vikings can’t leap either team considering their QB played like Rex Grossman for one half and Dan Marino another half. I award you all no points, and may God have mercy on your souls.

2. Indianapolis Colts- I hate having to rank this team at all in a league made up completely of men, because this tank job should come with a penalty and a congressional hearing. Colts fans should have burned down the stadium after their team threw away perfection like it was a Christmas card with no money in it. I hope Peyton Manning gets hurt on the first snap of the playoffs, and Jim Caldwell gets hate mail for the rest of his life.

3. San Diego Chargers- The Chargers haven’t lost since mid-October, and don’t plan on them losing to the Redskins even with the reserves in this week. Jumping the Saints was unthinkable a couple weeks ago, but this team is legit going into the playoffs firing on all cylinders. I still don’t recommend betting on any games the final week of the season if teams that are locked into the playoffs are playing in them though.

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Final Clearance - Many Items At Or Below Cost

Dec

FTRsports Week 16 NFL Power Rankings

Week 15 was nothing short of magical for gambling with highs and lows that could rival a Lindsay Lohan bender. The Browns scored an unbelievable 41 points against the lowly Chiefs in a thriller. Josh Cribbs and Jerome Harrison stepped into the limelight for the day thanks to KC’s epically bad defense and special teams. San Diego proved it’s worth by beating the Bengals in So Cal in the game dedicated to Chris Henry who we’ll touch upon later. Let’s see how this week’s rankings shape up:

1. Indianapolis Colts- With the Saints fall from grace in down in the Bayou, Peyton Manning’s forehead has led the Colts to the top of the pile with 2 games remaining. The Colts have the Jets and Buffalo left on the menu, and you can bet they will keep their foot on the gas through the end to go undefeated. Don’t let the media fool you into betting against them.

2. New Orleans Saints- Believe it or not the Saints are now more dangerous than ever now that the pressure to go unblemished is off of their shoulders. I wouldn’t bet on Saints games these next two weeks, because they have nothing to play for, but you can bet the house on these guys in the playoffs. They’re the team to beat in the NFC, and probably the whole league.

3. San Diego Chargers- We shouldn’t be so shocked to see the Chargers plowing through December considering they play their best football every season around Christmas, but I was pretty surprised to see them beat the Bengals this week. If the Chargers defense can show up in the playoffs they may actually win a playoff game, but don’t expect to see any miracles from this team. They hate playing football in January.

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Dec

FTRsports Week 14 NFL Power Rankings

With Kurt Warner back in the saddle, and Matt Leinart back where he belongs, on the bench, the Arizona Cardinals flipped the switch on expectations when they beat the red-hot Minnesota Vikings this week, solidifying themselves as a playoff bound team this fall. The Dolphins upended the Pats putting the AFC East back into reach for a couple of teams, and the Steelers lost another big game. Let’s see how the rankings fell this week.

1. New Orleans Saints- Divine intervention, or point shaving? Washington’s kicker missed a 23 yard field goal to beat the undefeated Saints in the waning moments of the game. He was then promptly released from the team immediately afterwards. Saints hold the top spot till they lose a game all the way.

2. Indianapolis Colts- Peyton Manning’s forehead may be growing with every win, but don’t plan on seeing it stop in the regular season as the Colts have 3 easy games remaining, and are looking to make Don Shula cry at the end of the season.

3. Minnesota Vikings- The Vikings may have had a bump in the road in Arizona, butwith 10 wins, this team is still a force to be reckon with in the NFC. Look for a great game this week as the Vikings and Bengals meet in what should be a prime time display of playoff style football. Whichever team wins the ground game will probably win the overall game.

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Dec

FTRsports Week 13 NFL Power Rankings

I already admitted to being way wrong calling the Pats-Saints game, so let’s get over my ignorant bias and talk about games that didn’t make me want to jump off of a building. Thanksgiving Day was worthless, with the Giants, Lions, and Broncos all playing. It was like watching women’s high school volleyball on New Year’s Day instead of the Rose Bowl. I remember the days when Thanksgiving Day games didn’t suck, and all my parlays were rock solid. Let’s see how the rankings were affected this week.

1. New Orleans Saints- The best team in football proved beyond a doubt that they are the frontrunner for the title this season by pantsing the Patriots on Monday Night Football. Drew Brees may have the worst hair in professional sports, but he put himself into the Tom Brady dominated record book throwing for 5 TDs and 400 yds in a game with no picks.

2. Indianapolis Colts- The other 11-0 team managed to struggle against another mediocre team, only to comeback and win for like the 13th time this season. Peyton Manning and company have the Titans this week which should be fun to watch. The Colts defense has trouble with backs like Chris Johnson, but Peyton Manning will torch the Titans Defense much like he did the first time. Beat the Colts to win, but the Titans might ruin the spread.

3. Minnesota Vikings- Well they routed the Bears like I said they would, but now ESPN wants you to believe the Cardinals who just lost to the Titans are going to give the 2009 MVP Brett Favre a run for his money this week. Don’t be fooled. The Vikings will torch the Cardinals defense in the air and on the ground. Peterson will probably fumble, but not as bad as the Cardinals did when they drafted Matt Leinart.

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