After 80 years of refusing female membership, Augusta National Golf club has finally decided to open it’s sexist doors to the women of this world, who have been truly oppressed before today. Though the club has allowed many women to play the course over the years, now the top one percent of them can take a break from all the injustices they have been forced to endure, on their yachts and at five star resorts, to spend their time at the home of the Masters, as members.
“Oh my God. We won,” said Martha Burk, who has famously fought the national club on it’s right to be private for the last ten years. She certainly deserves an applause for ten years well spent, making this world a better place for future women CEO’s everywhere.
For the Record: this is a big win for a women’s movement that feels men are still threaten by powerful women, and an even bigger loss for all the rich male members of Augusta, whose financial advisers discourage costly divorces. For now it’s only two women, but pretty soon these men are going to lose the one place they can go, where they actually have a legitimate excuse, to get away from their wives that they stopped loving a long time ago. Soon they will have to try to enjoy a round of golf, while their spouses are in the clubhouse mixing depression medicine with martinis, sexually harassing the male wait staff and smearing their lipstick all over the crystal glassware. The last place where male camaraderie was allowed to exclusively exist, in all its glory, will inevitably be replaced by couples golf.
In a world where girls are winning fantasy football leagues, cutting all their hair off and striving to wear shamrock green, one-breasted blazers, while men are wearing skinny jeans and driving smart cars we have to ask ourselves, are there no gender boundaries anymore? Forget equality, isn’t anything sacred?