Angry Old Man Rant: Women Drivers
You Know What Really Pisses Me Off?
I was driving to the store the other day to pick up some Corona for the weekend and this lady cut me off while she was doing everything but paying attention to the traffic around her. Woman Drivers are the worst drivers in the world. It is a fact and no one can dispute it.
You see them all the time on the highway. They are talking on the phone, probably yelling at their husband or boyfriend for something they did last night and moving from lane to lane without using their signal. Do you know why they don’t use their signal when changing lanes, because they don’t know where the signal lever is in a car. Most of them are lucky to know where the gas cap is. Hint for all you ladies out there. The directional signal is on your steering column on your left hand side. Your left hand side is the one opposite your right. To make it even easier for you, it’s the hand you put your wedding ring on. Yes the one that says you own a male soul of our species.
If they are not talking on the phone, they are texting someone or reading e-mails. Have you ever see a woman talk without moving her hands? Think about it before you answer the question…
It Never Happens.
- Putting on make up
- Playing with the radio
- Looking for something in their purse
- Yelling at the kids
- Playing with their hair in the rear view mirror
Funny how they can be so multi-tasked in a car, but when you ask them to cook dinner, do the dishes, or iron your shirt, they can only do one thing at a time.
Another thing that pisses me off is how they park the car. Do they care if they are in the lines when they park in a parking lot : Of course not, those lines are for other people not them. Have you ever come out to get in your car and the car next to you is so close to yours that you can’t even open your door to get in. Chances are that if you wait long enough to see who it belongs to it was parked by a woman. Then, when you are sitting in a line of traffic waiting for someone to “parallel” park and low and behold after 10 minutes you see 2 girls get out of the parked car.
Parallel parking is so difficult for woman to do correctly that Ford invented a “parking assist” option in their new vehicles to increase sales to women.
Enough with parking, how about another pet peeve of mine.
When I am driving in the left lane of the highway, usually at about 75-80 miles per hour, it never fails that a woman driver will get right in front of me going 65. This is when I am so glad to have a huge GMC Denali. So you know what I do next… I ride right up their rear end so all they can see in their rear view mirror is my huge chrome grill and then I shine my high beams into their car. The whole car lights up like a Christmas tree and they slam on their brakes. You just have to be prepared and paying attention when you do this to them so you don’t slam into their trunk. I love the look they give me and they always tell me I am number 1.
Ladies, we are out there watching and waiting for you to cause the next accident so please stay off the phone, keep your hands on the wheel and pay attention to what you are doing out there. Go the speed limit, not five miles under. Use your directional (for location, see above) and finally, stay out of the high speed lane.
You’re never on time anyways so why rush….
I don’t like most of the policies in the Middle East countries, like Saudi Arabia, but they have the right idea when it comes to woman and cars.
It’s not allowed
[Angry Old Man Rants are inspired by, based on, and written by my father. The cartoon representation of him is really more of a portrait. I've spent the past 30 years of my life listening to him rant about everything from sports to politics, bad driving to laws he thinks are stupid, and beyond. Now instead of listening to him rant, I've harnessed his anger and convinced him to write Old Man Rants weekly for FTR. Look forward to an ongoing dialogue of how Mark Sanchez is a wuss, New York fans are all mouth breathers, the Red Sox suck, and how much everyone is clearly out to annoy him. Enjoy.]