Preparing for March Madness

It’s finally that time of year again. Time to print out NCAA brackets and pool all our hard earned money together for the greatest 3 weeks in sports. For most of us, it seems like the tournament takes us by surprise and we’re really not ready for what’s about to happen, so here’s a list of things you need to start getting together by March 16th.

1. Book a room in Vegas for the first 4 days of the Tourney:

Sure you have a 65″ plasma in your living room. We all do. Grow up. Watching the first couple rounds of the NCAA Tournament in the Sportsbook at a nice hotel in Vegas with 20+ screens will quickly make you forget about your plasma, and the free drinks that come with it will make up for the lack of your favorite spot on the couch.

2. Save your next paycheck for gambling purposes:

Let’s be real, it’s hard to care about schools you never knew existed, but once you put a little cash on them to win, you’ll know their fight song by the Sweet Sixteen. I mean seriously, outside of March Madness, Gonzaga may as well be an online Culinary Arts school.

3. Do your homework:

Sure the experts won’t pick every single game right, but the majority of the time, they get the final four teams right, and honestly, it’s only dumb luck if you’re able to know that Winthrop can get to the Sweet Sixteen anyway. Taking a longshot early in the tourney to make a run at the Final Four can destroy your bracket, so stick to realistic choices like Duke and Kansas, and don’t bank on your Alma Mater making a run just because you want them to.

4. Call in sick:

Last year I had to struggle to hear/watch Stephen Curry’s magical run in the tourney between a radio in the warehouse, and my computer screen in my office instead of sitting in the Vegas Sportsbook with a cold drink served by some scantily clad part-time hooker. I will not be making that mistake again. Although I will give the radio announcers credit, they do an amazing job at getting you into the moment by screaming during buzzer-beaters.

5. Take your girlfriend on 5 dates in a row prior to March 16th:

Honestly, which couple would you rather be come April? You’re about to watch basketball for 3 weeks straight which may interfere with your chick’s normal routine of The Real Housewives of Orange County and Oprah, so butter her up nice and good prior to the Big Dance, and make life easier on yourself. There’s nothing worse than losing money and having your chick moaning about “quality time” simultaneously.

We’ll try to get more tips together for you in time for this year’s Tourney, but work on these for now.