Michael Beasley Rehab Update

The Miami Heat are reporting that Michael Beasley has returned to the team after his one month drug rehab stint this summer. The press maintains that his drug problem is marijuana related, but any non-nerd will tell you that people don’t go to rehab for green. He’s either got the Vince Young suicide issues or he’s been getting into harder drugs with his new found NBA salary. Either way, we have already drafted a few articles that may need to be posted during this coming NBA season.

-Thursday Oct. 22nd, 2009
Miami Heat guard, Michael Beasley is in the hospital today suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after watching Allen Iverson drop 55 pts on the Heat last night in a 103-82 Memphis Grizzlies win over the lowly Heat. Miami is now 0-6 this season with losses to the aforementioned Grizzlies and the OKC Thunder. Hospital officials say that Beasley’s poor showing of 2pts and 1 rebound have driven him into a deep depression.

-Thursday Oct. 29th, 2009
Good news for the Heat this week, Michael Beasley is no longer depressed about his life after watching the Knicks play the Heat last night in Miami. When asked about the sudden turn-around from a week ago, Beasley responded, “I’m just happy I don’t play for the Knicks. Life is great!!!”

-Friday Nov. 13th, 2009
Friday the 13th has turned ugly for the Heat early this morning, as guard Michael Beasley was arrested by Cuyahoga County Deputy Sheriff, Shaquille O’Neal early this morning following the Heat’s 40 pt loss to the Cleveland LeBrons. Beasley was pulled over by Deputy Shaq as he was cruising Cleveland’s bar scene in “The Flats” around 3AM yelling at girls leaving the clubs “I’m from Miami B*TCH!!” while bumping some terrible music in his rental car. When asked about the arrest, Shaq mumbled a bunch of stuff that no one could understand, he then smiled, and started freestyling. Stay tuned for updates.

Hopefully none of these stories ever need to be used, but it’s always good to be prepared.

Posted by Charles Drengberg on 09/21/2009. Filed under Memphis Grizzlies,Miami Heat,NBA. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry