PGA Tour embarrassment, and two-time major champion, John “the drunk” Daly, returned to professional golf this week to play in the Spanish Open. Shooting a 7-shots-back-of-the-leader, 70, Daly quoted his coach who told him to “avoid setting any goals this year.”. Great advice, but here’s one better, don’t get drunk and humiliate yourself anymore and [...]

Thankfully, for the first time in 9 years we will not have to endure as the Spurs lull us to sleep with their veteran packed, properly coached defense, and Tim Duncan’s strategically placed bank shots. The only even remotely exciting thing this team brings is Eva Longoria to the stands, which isn’t saying much considering she’s an above average [...]

The sub .500 NY Yankees have decided to reduce ticket prices at their new monster of a ballpark after realizing that they’re not as great as they once thought. After spending close to half a billion dollars this offseason, in an attempt to buy another title, the NY Yankees have noticed alot of empty over-priced [...]

Grown man, Sheldon Brown, has made it publicly clear that he’s a whiney little baby. With salary bases of $2 million to $4.5 million increasingly over the next four years, Sheldon Brown is crying about playing for the Philadelphia Eagles, because they went out and signed Ellis Hobbs away from the New England Patriots. “They [...]

In the most embarrassing loss in franchise history last night, Chris Paul lit the court up with 4 points and 6 assists, some of which were probably assists to Denver, because the final score was 121-63. After the game, New Orleans Head Coach, Byron Scott, claimed that the Mexican pig flu had caused the team [...]

Convicted felon, Michael Vick, has been publicly offered a job with the Albany Firebirds arena football team. Contract conditions revealed include, the standard $200 a week, with a $50 bonus for wins, a bucket of Popeye’s chicken for ties, and a tasering by local police for every pick he throws. Vick is said to be [...]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/v/c9FsYDEIZWk] Nascar avoided a major disaster at Talladega yesterday when Carl Edwards’ car caught major air on the final lap. Fortunately, for both NASCAR and Budweiser, nobody died, but several imbred people were injured by shrapnel. Rumors are spreading that NASCAR has delivered gift baskets to all the injured parties. Inside sources say the gift [...]

Widely believed to be the reach of the draft, the Oakland Raiders passed on Michael Crabtree [the most talented, all around receiver in the draft] for Darius Heyward-Bey [the fast, unpolished route runner, with questionable hands].  Experts blame the wacky pick on owner Al Davis’s obsession with speed. Al Davis [79 years young] had no comment, as [...]

Yahoo Sports is reporting cancelled youth soccer tournaments due to the spread of the pig flu in Mexico right now. Just when you thought Mexico couldn’t get any worse. In related news: Mexico’s pig flu problems is spreading to the U.S. Southwest. Thanks again Mexico. ~Cornelius Wellington III