Are You From Minnesota and Wearing A Yankees Hat?

Good!

Because your beloved 26 year old three time batting champ Joe Mauer is going to be.  It has been reported that the twins are offering him 20 mil a year, and he is holding out for the A-Rod money, somewhere in the range of 25.  He is absolutely worth it, just probably not to the Twins who would have to dedicate a forth of their payroll to the catcher.

In every other sport you better bleed you team’s colors, but baseball, I say feel free to jump ship.  I grew up loving the Indians and Manny Ramirez, and have felt no shame for taking my loyalty to whatever team could pay him.   Go ahead root for the Brewers.  Prince Fielder is gonezo after this season, and Ryan Braun will follow when his contract is up, just like Mark Teixeira and the Rangers.  Enjoy Hanley Ramirez while you can, and then go buy a Red Sox hat once he gets traded back to them for prospects.

It isn’t bad for the teams, they can always be rebuilt, it sucks for the fans that have to sit through rebuilding periods, while two cy young award winning pitchers that came up through their system pitch against each other in the world series.   My advice, join a fantasy baseball league, build your own team, and root for your players and whatever teams they are on.

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Big East Bye Bye Bye

#3 Syracuse and #10 Villanova entered the Big East Tournament with double byes while the rest of the league earned their way. Looks like that wasn’t the best way to win the Big East tournament this season, as they were both bounced in their first games of the tournament today by Georegetown and Marquette, respectively.

Georgetown made a big second half push to beat Syracuse 91-84 at Madison Square Garden on the back of Chris Wright’s 27 points and Austin Freeman’s 18.

Read more

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Jose Canseco Job-Hunting on Twitter

At this point, sad doesn’t even describe it.

Have some self-respect for yourself Canseco.

Marion Jones Joins WNBA in Attempt to Remain Irrelevant

Usually, when an elite athlete is disgraced and humiliated the way Marion Jones was when she was stripped of her 5 Sydney Olympic medals, they go into hiding to avoid all the negative media scrutiny.

That’s exactly what Marion Jones did today when she signed a contract to play for some team in the WNBA. (honestly if I mentioned the team, would you even know they had existed before?)

Marion Jones was a star point guard at UNC in the late 90s, leading the Tar Heels to a National Championship in 1997. At 34, Jones hopes to revitalize her hoop game, and try to put her Olympic embarrassment behind her by moving into obscurity in a league kept afloat by Coors Light beer sales at Laker games.

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A-Rod’s Paperboy Interviewed by FBI

While the FBI was sitting outside of A-Rod’s house yesterday looking for needles in his trash and scooping samples from his dog’s poop in the yard, they noticed that the neighborhood paperboy was throwing the Times a little further and with a lot more accuracy than usual.

Soon after the boy’s arrest, rumors were everywhere that A-Rod’s paperboy had been supplying the Yankee 3rd baseman with PEDs since grade school. Congressmen, that were originally elected during the Civil War, back the allegations.

A-Rod was unavailable for comment and is still reluctant to leave his penthouse since he found out Madonna was a man.

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Get Off Me KG

I put these videos together because they are quite the anomaly.  In one video KG appears to be an elderly man, unable to jump, like he has throughout this season.  In the next video KG appears to be a little kid, like he has all throughout his career.

There was a time when it was cool for anyone at the game to hear KG yell obscenities and pound his chest.  It was funny to see him throw Pau Gasol around  like he was Rhianna.  It was totally acceptable when he was a bad ass, but now he is aging faster than Robin Williams in Jack.  He is not bad ass anymore.  He is getting owned badly by Andray Blatche.

Time for you to act your age KG.  You are not intimidating anyone.  No one is scared of you.  They are merely not engaging you because they don’t want to pick on an old cripple.

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Pat Summitt Revealed as Lady GaGa’s Biological Father

Shocking news made today when Tennessee Volunteers’ Women’s basketball coaching legend, Pat Summitt announced that he is Lady Gaga’s biological father.

It’s been a long and difficult struggle for me in proving that I am Lady GaGa’s father, but with all the photographic proof of his her “lady-parts” floating around the internet, it was easy to see that I am most certainly his her father. I hope that we can build a strong relationship based on her buying me endless racks of pantsuits and I can help her dress up like a clown every night before he she goes out.

What a disgusting beautiful family.

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